Making Peace With Not Knowing

“I need to know!”

Election Day, 2020 – In these times of great uncertainty, today is so uncertain and the stakes are so high for our country, the world, and our individual lives, that we’re being tested like never before to stay centered in not knowing.

There is so much anxiety and fear in the air, especially among those who fully recognize what’s at stake in today’s election.

Our minds have a way of playing out scenarios – best case, worst case – but the truth is we don’t know and this challenges our deep human need for certainty.

There are moments when we can create that certainty for ourselves, but when the situation is truly out of our control, we must build another muscle – the capacity to tolerate the shakiness of not knowing.

In her book Comfortable with Uncertainty, Pema Chodron, a Buddhist teacher who’s books I’ve often turned to in difficult times, writes – “Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic – this is the spiritual path.”

Here’s how I’ve managed to stay (reasonably) relaxed in the midst of chaos. These practices may be useful to you as well:

1) Notice when I’m ungrounded. The first step is noticing. For me, overthinking and trying to “figure out” what can’t be figured out are clear signs that I’m ungrounded. I’ll also literally feel myself disconnected from the ground, like I’m hovering while holding my breath. I’ll also notice adrenaline, pressure, stress, and tension rising, and this is a sign to…

2) Pause. The pause is key. Rather than feeding the cycle of reactivity, I take this as an opportunity to assess the situation and come to myself.

3) Get grounded. I’ll try a few things until something works. Sometimes I need to literally put my bare feet on the earth, move my body gently or vigorously, or discharge emotional energy through making sound or journaling. Sometimes grounding takes 5 minutes, other times it an hour, depending on the depth of the disturbance. No matter how long it takes, I’m committed to regaining ground.

4) Sit with the uncertainty. Rather than run from uncertainty, I face it. I’ll sit in meditative stillness and focus my attention on my breath as it slowly fills and empties from my belly. I’ll notice as thoughts arise like “I need to know!” and rather than buying into the storyline I’ll sit with the feelings of anxiety and agitation that arise until they dissipate. I recognize that I can’t know because it’s not time to know.

The paradox is this:

When I make peace with not knowing, I am often spontaneously shown what I do know deep inside as foundational values and truths. I am shown what is certain and stable and reliable in my life, even as so much shifts and changes around me.

This is the dance – of surrender to a massive reorganization of our world and society, as well as our individual lives and relationships – letting go of the known while opening to new possibilities, and staying grounded and centered in ourselves as best we can.

The methods I’ve shared are simple, but the path isn’t easy. So be kind to yourself, keep practicing, and know that you’re in good company.

With love,
Peter